Maybe this is a weird thing to say, but — there is very little actual physical contact in my life. Not even in a romantic context, but just human contact at all. Part of it is my fault — I had a phase when I was a little younger that lasted a few years where I literally could not handle being touched, and anything longer than a half-second hug was way too much. But I’m past that phase now and no one ever touches me still, ever, and I never really notice how hard it is until someone accidentally brushes me on the sidewalk or whatever and I have a visceral reaction to it. I get goosebumps if you so much as poke my shoulder, even if I don’t even know you. It’s like my body doesn’t know how to react to foreign touch and so it just freaks the fuck out.
It’s so weird, because I have friends and I enjoy my friends and everything, I don’t secretly hate them. It’s just that we don’t touch each other. I don’t understand how people can be all physically affectionate with someone they’re not, like, actually in love with. It just doesn’t compute for me and I wish it did because I could really use more human contact in my fucking life.
Maybe this explains why I’m always sad.